We study confining dark sectors where the lightest hadrons are glueballs. Such models can provide viable dark matter candidates and appear in some neutral naturalness scenarios. In this work, we introduce a new phenomenological model of dark glueball hadronization inspired by the Lund string model. This enables us to make the most physically-motivated predictions for dark glueball phenomenology at the LHC to date. Our model approximately reproduces the expected thermal distribution of hadron species as an emergent consequence of hadronization dynamics. The ability to predict the production of glueball states heavier than the lightest species significantly expands the reach of long-lived glueball searches in MATHUSLA compared to previous simplified estimates. We also characterize regions of parameter space where emerging and/or semivisible jets could arise from pure-glue dark sectors, thereby providing new benchmark models that motivate searches for these signatures.