Diffractive optical elements are ultra-thin optical components required for constructing very compact optical 3D sensors. However, the required wide-angle diffractive 2D fan-out gratings have been elusive due to design challenges. Here, we introduce a new strategy for optimizing such high-performance and wide-angle diffractive optical elements, offering unprecedented control over the power distribution among the desired diffraction orders with only low requirements with respect to computational power. The microstructure surfaces were designed by an iterative gradient optimization procedure based on an adjoint-state method, capable to account for application-dependent target functions while ensuring compatibility with existing fabrication processes. The results of the experimental characterization confirm the simulated tailored power distributions and optical efficiencies of the fabricated elements. (C) 2020 Optical Society of America under the terms of the OSA Open Access Publishing Agreement