Functional programming (FP) is regularly touted as the way forward for bringing parallel, concurrent, and distributed programming to the mainstream. The popularity of the rationale behind this viewpoint (immutable data transformed by function application) has even lead to a number of object-oriented (OO) programming languages adopting functional features such as lambdas (functions) and thereby function closures. However, despite this established viewpoint of FP as an enabler, reliably distributing function closures over a network, or using them in concurrent environments nonetheless remains a challenge across FP and OO languages. This paper takes a step towards more principled distributed and concurrent programming by introducing a new closure-like abstraction and type system, called spores, that can guarantee closures to be serializable, thread-safe, or even have general, custom user-defined properties. Crucially, our system is based on the principle of encoding type information corresponding to captured variables in the type of a spore. We prove our type system sound, implement our approach for Scala, evaluate its practicality through an small empirical study, and show the power of these guarantees through a case analysis of real-world distributed and concurrent frameworks that this safe foundation for migratable closures facilitates.